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Success is a key word in our world and apparently it is what we all want. We want it in business, in private life, we want to talk about it with our friends while being on the right side. Success is a nice garment we like to present ourselves with, it gives us a sense of contentment and superiority over those who experience the other extreme of polarity: failure.

But if we dig a bit deeper, what does success really mean, where does it come from? In fact, the word success implies achieving a goal, a target, a status, some money, a good test result. There is nothing bad with wanting to accomplish something in the world, otherwise we’d all just be a bunch of vegetables without will. The important thing seems to be to become really aware of what you want as an individual, not what your personal environment imposes on you. I have met many managers in my coaching work who might have been better off following a different path, but somehow their decision was driven by their parents and the life they were leading at home. Someone who has been brought up in hardship and deprivation tends to over emphasize financial success as a driver force, another who comes from a very strict bourgeois family may want to break free and see personal freedom as success.

The “Zeitgeist” also changes throughout history, as does the definition of success. In the Middle Ages, the ideal woman was a bit more rounded, you can see this by looking at some of the classical paintings from that era (Rubens, for example). Today, it’s all about the slim body.

Our modern society has turned success into looking perfect (for women) and having lots of money and maybe a good job (for men). We see this in the media every day, thousands of stories about successful people, smiling for the camera. Success also has this element of competition in it, of being able to afford more than your friends, neighbours or colleagues. I remember when I was a kid, not everybody had a television yet. We had to go to our neighbors to watch. I often felt bad and heard myself saying: “Why they can afford it and we can’t?”. Social media nowadays allows us all to get a taste of success. Software is available to make you look better, photoshop enables you to be part of the beauty elite, at least for a certain time and only in the virtual world. You are somebody if you post lots of stuff and selfies from all the places you travel. You can even become a celebrity if you have enough followers.

The definition of success may also vary throughout your life; as a teenager, I wanted to have a safe job (just like my father had), and 30 years later, my success is being a small entrepreneur who has his own company. Now, I cannot imagine anything else that could give me higher satisfaction. So, we see that the definition of success is by no means fixed, but depends very much on external factors, the era we live in, what we see around us, and on our own personal story from home.

What you can do in your own life to experience more harmony and satisfaction is to seek your own definition of success and to have the courage to follow it, no matter what society says. Be more aware of what you like and not what others want you to like. External factors of success do not last and only bring you temporary pleasure. You always have choices that bring you closer to your own successful life. I regularly meet people who have stepped out of the corporate world to start their own business. By the way, a successful life can also include “unsuccessful” experiences such as illness, divorce, job loss. It makes you a more complete human being.

You will feel if you become a fulfilled human being: certain things are no longer so important for you, giving becomes more and more the focus, not the taking. Discover your own success story, be brave; check from time to time if your definition of success is still valid. Is it really yours? Maybe success is also just a learned human pattern, no more, no less, with no deeper meaning in the universe. Everything that happens on the way to better understanding is learning for you, this is perfection.

Dr. Michael Schroeder

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